my life is like a rotten pear

Discussion in 'The Wastelands' started by SongSing, Feb 25, 2014.

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  1. SongSing

    SongSing KILLL

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    SongSing
    my life is like a rotten pear

    whenever i get a glass of water i spill it the bus driver hates me chett always bullies me every time i go to the bathroom i fall in i cant look at the sun anymore because it just makes me cry i get sunburned from the moon i am constantly thirsty the mailman doesnt want to talk to me whenever i bake cookies they always come out burnt whenever i get a phone call a man named curlie lou is always singing in the background so i cant hear i love granola but i am severely allergic to it my hair wont grow back i can only move my eyes to right i cant pronounce the letter 'a' i cant stop sweating my name is humphry all they serve in the cafeteria is meat bowls whenever i try to catch a pokemon in the pokemon games the pokeballs break everything i eat tastes too salty im afraid of being on the ground because of earthquakes i cant look at a cloud without tasting blood every song sounds like the sonic theme song whenever i turn the tv on it immediately turns itself back off all of my batteries are the wrong size whenever i cry my tears make fun of me my hands are hooks my face is made of paper my lungs are glass my hair is straw i cant see through glass and i need glasses i have imaginary friend who harasses and bullies me constantly my arm hurts theres no e-cigarette section on this forum

    my life is like a rotten pear
     
  2. Kyrk

    Kyrk KACAW

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    It's like I'm reading an autobiography of someone with down's syndrome.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. NAVIDAD PIRATE

    NAVIDAD PIRATE THE PLEASURE OF BEING CUMMED INSIDE

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  4. Marina

    Marina The Marshtomp has seen it all before.

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    I'm not going to put too much thought into what I just read. I'd rather retain my sanity.
     
  5. Steam Baron

    Steam Baron The Steamroller Guy

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    At least this pear is not that rotten.
     
  6. Vahle

    Vahle Trapped Under Ice

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    hey no whining.

    be a man like steven seagal or walter white
     
  7. Draciel

    Draciel ALLEZ! ALLEZ! ALLEZ!

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  8. Wavy

    Wavy prince of the sea Server Moderator Server Moderator

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    This is the saddest thing I've ever read
     
  9. Crystal Moogle

    Crystal Moogle Ayaya~ Administrator Administrator

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    I guess you never read your own biography
     
    Sunny Girl likes this.
  10. Arceus_17

    Arceus_17 Avoid eye contact

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    Always nice to see PO has such great humorists
     
  11. Afro Smash

    Afro Smash Mfw I'm living the Australian dream

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    I don't know about anyone else, but this changed my life.
     
  12. Insane Soul

    Insane Soul Griffith did nothing wrong.

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    [​IMG]
    I don't know what to feel bro
     
  13. Joeypals!!

    Joeypals!! Don't you worry 'bout a thing~

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    ....waaaaaaaaat. What did I just read...? Umm, I guess that sucks bro, but there's people who deal with alot worse everyday (#FirstWorldProblems) if you're being honest, if you're being funny nice attention grab? I honestly don't know what to say right now...
     
  14. VuvuzelaΒzz

    VuvuzelaΒzz •Sage

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    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2014
  15. Halsey

    Halsey Wildstar

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  16. ren >:O

    ren >:O ech

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  17. Wavy

    Wavy prince of the sea Server Moderator Server Moderator

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    I was born in the year 1962. It was a different age back then; common things we rely upon hadn't been invented yet. Most notably, chairs hadn't been invented. Hospitals, however, had been and I was born in one. It's pretty surprising that I wasn't born in a shack or something, considering how terrible my life is.

    The doctor was tired and irritable from his long day of standing around doctoring and not being able to sit in a chair. After my birth, my wide-eyed parents were asking him for all the hot tips on how to take care of a baby. He wasn't having any of that.

    "Do we give him milk or something? I heard babies like that?" one would ask.
    They would get a reply like "Babies will drink literally anything so just give him whatever."
    "If he cries do we have to do something or can we just turn the radio up?"
    "If he's mature about it, he'll just tell you what the problem is. Don't worry about that."

    And so began my chemical dependence upon root beer. My parents had this massive cache of root beer and figured they'd give me that. To this day, I can't function without a tall glass of root beer. It's a nightmare. I hate root beer. It's like if soda was mediocre.

    But it doesn't stop there. At the age of 6, my father consigned me into a life of golfing. He decided that it'd be cool for me to be a professional golfer. I was forced to wear ridiculous golfer gear 24/7 from this point on.

    All these years later, I've never once made the ball into the hole without picking it up and dropping it into the hole. My dad thinks this is hilarious and laughs uncontrollably whenever it comes up. I'd spend hours on the golf course training, but to no avail. I'd always accidentally hit the ball the wrong way and into a lake, or accidentally hit it really hard when it was near the hole.

    I went to a golfing academy instead of going to school. They didn't abolish these nightmarish places until 1985, and most of my education took place there.

    Golf is really boring and I hate it. And golfers hate root beer even more than I do, so I can't bring any onto the course. If you try to, they all say "Root beer alert! Ey somebody get this root beer off the course!" and security roughs me up.

    My teenage years were the worse, though. I literally died and had to deal with being dead for like 2 years before I was able to be alive again. The afterlife is really terrible because they make you fill out all this paperwork.

    Okay, I feel like I'm carrying on too much with this. I think you get the idea.
     
    buny and Wander like this.
  18. Withoutatrace

    Withoutatrace im a filthy weeb

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  19. Insane Soul

    Insane Soul Griffith did nothing wrong.

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    U dun goofed Wavy
    This is starting to look like something out of /b/. I
     
  20. Sunny Girl

    Sunny Girl Goodbye, sweet summer days.

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    After reading this I think my brain is a rotting pear...
     
  21. Kumiho

    Kumiho Silhouettes

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  22. buny

    buny heartbreak hotel

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    This is easily the best thread on the Pokemon Online forums
     
  23. Wander

    Wander Shitty Wizard

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    i cry everytim
     
  24. Weavile

    Weavile Phoenix

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    I never noticed this and it's pretty great. Anyway locking because necro
     
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